Thursday, 5 January 2012

New Years Resolutions

There is a safety level writing a blog. It’s easy to paint a picture that comes over as quite candy flossy and whilst I hate to be anything other than positive there are times that are hard .. and then there is the questions about how much you actually reveal about yourself?

So if I am honest about things I’m not really good in January. It’s not helped by stepping back from a person I love in my life who misinterprets me.  I have no idea how to stop the cycle around this relationship .. and the weather doesn’t help. It is bleak; as I look out of my window the trees dark branches are stark against the sky.  Clouds threaten, the wind whistles around the house like a 70’s horror move soundtrack and I am watching the rooks black silhouettes hunched like old women clinging on their perches for all they are worth.  Grey January.. how I long for spring.

Whilst it seems everyone else makes new years resolutions I look back and get a sense of failure wave over me as I realise that I’ve been making the same resolution every year and I have never ever ever achieved it. It’s got to the point where internally I just feel ridiculous. This year I will loose weight I say.  This is going to be the year I do it .. no matter what.  Except I never do.

So this year .. * Deep breath* I am going to make a different resolution   .. I am going to find out about Buddhism, and investigate an Ayuverdic lifestyle. Don’t worry I won’t be preaching or tweeting Buddhist saying every two minutes, but I feel drawn to find out more.  

There is an internal dilemma though. I have to admit it’s taken my sister to push me to write about my personal feelings, rather than another “I love this product post,” ( thanks @FleurDelicia) but I tend to run a mile from anyone who is  actually really religious.  Alarm bells go off. I’m not sure why.  Well  .. now I’ve written that I realise that’s not true. .. actually it’s because I watched my deputy head of school preach love, kindness. compassion and charity in the name of Jesus Christ every morning in assembly before she spent he rest of the day making Cruella de Ville look like saint. 

Evil old bat.

I guess that is why I am deeply suspicious of pushy vocal religious people, and of course there are the Bible bashing wanna convert you lovelies that come and knock on my door every few weeks, always smiling and very sweet but always just before a deadline.  Fruitcakes!  Lovely phrase .. I wonder where did that originate from? 

Still I guess is suits the bohemian in me. I never felt so at home than with the idea’s and philosophy of Buddhism than when I was in Vietnam, which is where my little Buddha is from.  So far it seems to answer questions in a way that makes sense to me, and far more so that my normal once a year C of E does.  It’s been almost two years since I decided to find out more . but before I commit I want to investigate  fully. As luck would have it there is a course starting nearby on the 7th February  .. so I have signed up for it, and I’m still looking into Ayuverdic diets .. so watch this space!

In the meantime  .. where did I put that Rosemary Conley book? 


  1. I have just written about my resolutions - or lack of them ;-)

    Moderation, and looking after me. If I do those then the rest will follow surely?

    I thnk your rain has just hit my flat - windows are now rattling.

    Happy 2012!

  2. So many people have written very personal posts this New Year, me included I didn't really intend for mine to be quite so revealing, but I was writing it more for myself than anything. I've never had so many messages, comments, texts from people & know & people I don't. Maybe it'll help me stick to doing what I say I will. Not resolutions, but changes that need to be made x

  3. Dear's such a difficult time of year. Everything comes at once - the New Year & all the pressure to be better, be thinner, be MORE...but also the realisation that Spring is a good way away & after the excitement & busyness of Christmas, this is IT for a while. The beginning of January is the worst - I've just ordered a Light Box for my dad, who suffers terribly from depression due to SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder)...doesn't help that he's from South Africa & should be in bright, warm sunshine right now! Whatever gets you through is my motto...planning, writing, watching favourite movies. If the search for spirituality does it for you, then go with it. Just don't be too hard on yourself - you are a pretty special person. This too shall pass. Hope that 2012 brings you more of the good things you deserve xx

  4. Spent a while investigating Ayurvedic lifestyles as I do transcendental meditation (sometimes - not as often as I should), which i believe is wonderful (outside of the slightly cult-ish associations...) and has strong links to ayurveda;. However, not eating onions or garlic made me sad.

    I do like that the Buddha lives near the bread bin ;-) lovely picture. Good luck!

  5. Take heart in what you HAVE achieved Vanessa and don't linger too long over you have not done yet.....compared to so many of us, your achievements are a shining beacon and your kindness and support is worth its weight in culinary gold. I know how you feel, I hate the darkness and gloom of January, personal relationships seem harder to endure and life seems bleak....and then, you see a snowdrop peeping out of the cold earth, and hope is restored again!
    Thanks for your friendship in my first 6 months of blogging...

  6. '...why I am deeply suspicious of pushy vocal religious people' - in a nutshell how I feel. I have met so many people who profess to be holy and inflict enormous emotional pain wherever they go.
    Thanks for sharing the wobbly moments Vanessa. You are so right - a lot of the blogosphere is relentlessly cheerful, achieving, multi-tasking and perfect. It's easy to get bogged down by it and believe the hype. You've achieved SO much and done so many brilliant things this year (including making many, many people feel valued and important) that to hear that you have doubtful moments brings a bit of reassurance. I hope it passes soon, with a ray of sunshine perhaps. Happy New Year

  7. Well, I spent all afternoon wondering how to express to you my support. I think Karen said it all. Keep remembering what you've already achieved and don't stress too much about what you haven't done yet. Chaque chose en son temps.
    January is always difficult. Days are short and you feel like there's nothing to expect before spring. Take some "me" time, read, visit friends and soon spring will be there, you'll see!
    I'm happy to meet you in London anytime!
    Take care, et Bonne Année!!

  8. I can relate to this post. Especially the bit about January. I've not been blogging for long, but I have quickly picked up on the 'how personal do I get within a blogpost' dilemma. I do think that people respect honesty, thoughts and feelings because they are real and to me these are the essence of a great post. I know it is one of the reasons I love to follow your blog.

    If you see that snowdrop, let me know and I'll do the same for you.


  9. Vanessa, follow your heart, wherever it leads you. I resolve NEVER to make resolutions but to live my life as best I can as daughter, sister, wife & mother. It suits me.
    Take care.

  10. I agree with Karen... you've achieved so much already in your life without the help of any deity... and I can tell you now, yes, there is nothing worse than a pushy religious freak... except for a pushy Buddhist... and I have met one or two and I can tell you for nothing it's not fun... be good at being Vanessa, after all you're already there xx

  11. I completely understand the cravings for Spring, sunshine and comfort! I spend half of January with hunched shoulders, scowling out the window, until gradually the days draw out and I feel less like a mole. I also compltely empathise with the weight issue. As others have said, you have achieved so much...take it easy on yourself and those around you. I always go by the mantra of "This too will pass"...

  12. Wow, all of these wonderful comments show just how great this community is. Echoing others I like to remember what I have achieved and keep a list each year (incidently starting on my birthday rather than new year as I love goals but don't like new year resolutions) as it's so easy to forget how much you have achieved. Focus on the positive for now and worry about the harder stuff when the days are longer and easier! Hugs xx

  13. See what happens when you write a better blog post???


  14. Oh Vanessa - every year I resolve to lose weight, I don't necessarily vocalise my intention so that I save face when I never even start to diet. Although I think I need to do more exercise rather than a strict diet. Anyway, I digress, it sounds to me as if you need a goal to work towards, like you had with your book. Maybe you should write another book on foods for losing weight ............ or something.

    I don't know enough about budhism to make a comment, all I know is that as a Catholic I prefer to follow the rules that make sense to me and try to always treat others with kindness, I know what you mean about the holier than thou types who don't practise what they preach.

    Anyway happy new year - be kind to yourself.

  15. Happy new year Vanessa. A strong and honest post. You should look back on last year with pride at what amazing things you achieved, not on the things that did not work out.
    Hope to see you soon x

  16. It is a tough old month this January, and February isn't up to much too. I get what you mean and feel for you. Think we need to get get back in the garden and order more bare root shrubs & flowers to remind us of better days ahead. I suppose I use the garden as my form of therapy but hope Buddhism gives you the pick me up you need.......Happy New Year xx

  17. Happy New Year. There is a Buddist place & tea rooms near Kelmarsh & Market Harborough. lol xx

  18. Great post Vanessa, your honesty is really touching.

  19. Happy New Year Vanessa!

    I often think of your horrible headteacher, that you told me about when we met and I'm sorry to say that it's similiar to what others I've met say - that they feel disillusioned by a faith because of how the believers act.

    And although I try not to just be a people pleaser, being a bad example of my faith is what worries me most.

    Feel proud of what you've achieved in 2011 and all the best for exploring Bhuddism.
    Love, Liz x
    p.s. the new look 'Goddess on a budget' is lovely.

  20. Do I feel a little "Eat Pray Love" coming on? New Year's resolutions are just goals, goals need motivation and a plan - not just an idea, motivation comes from within (encouragement from outside is always helpful).
    No need for the doldrums girl - look at how much you have achieved this year. As a very new blogger I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog as so many others have I am sure. Bringing pleasure to others is surely something to be proud of.
    Personally I have found goals need motivation without it nothing much happens - I lost weight before Christmas because I had bought myself a new red dress and was determined to get into it. I wore it Christmas Day and New Year's Eve - I was happy with myself (not for anyone else - just me) although I did get lots of encouragement from my husband. As a seasoned procrastinator things tend to drag out until I make up my mind its time to do something about it. Maybe because the most important things are already done?
    Happy New Year!


If you are reading my blog I must warn you that I am not impartial. I want to influence you. I want to make you stop for just a moment and consider the effect of a lifetime of seemingly insignificant decisions and how making small delicious choices can change the world.

I believe that we can change the world one bite at a time.

It's a delicious revolution.