There is a safety level writing a blog. It’s easy to paint a picture that comes over as quite candy flossy and whilst I hate to be anything other than positive there are times that are hard .. and then there is the questions about how much you actually reveal about yourself?
So if I am honest about things I’m not really good in January. It’s not helped by stepping back from a person I love in my life who misinterprets me. I have no idea how to stop the cycle around this relationship .. and the weather doesn’t help. It is bleak; as I look out of my window the trees dark branches are stark against the sky. Clouds threaten, the wind whistles around the house like a 70’s horror move soundtrack and I am watching the rooks black silhouettes hunched like old women clinging on their perches for all they are worth. Grey January.. how I long for spring.
Whilst it seems everyone else makes new years resolutions I look back and get a sense of failure wave over me as I realise that I’ve been making the same resolution every year and I have never ever ever achieved it. It’s got to the point where internally I just feel ridiculous. This year I will loose weight I say. This is going to be the year I do it .. no matter what. Except I never do.
So this year .. * Deep breath* I am going to make a different resolution .. I am going to find out about Buddhism, and investigate an Ayuverdic lifestyle. Don’t worry I won’t be preaching or tweeting Buddhist saying every two minutes, but I feel drawn to find out more.
There is an internal dilemma though. I have to admit it’s taken my sister to push me to write about my personal feelings, rather than another “I love this product post,” ( thanks @FleurDelicia) but I tend to run a mile from anyone who is actually really religious. Alarm bells go off. I’m not sure why. Well .. now I’ve written that I realise that’s not true. .. actually it’s because I watched my deputy head of school preach love, kindness. compassion and charity in the name of Jesus Christ every morning in assembly before she spent he rest of the day making Cruella de Ville look like saint.
Evil old bat.
I guess that is why I am deeply suspicious of pushy vocal religious people, and of course there are the Bible bashing wanna convert you lovelies that come and knock on my door every few weeks, always smiling and very sweet but always just before a deadline. Fruitcakes! Lovely phrase .. I wonder where did that originate from?
Still I guess is suits the bohemian in me. I never felt so at home than with the idea’s and philosophy of Buddhism than when I was in Vietnam, which is where my little Buddha is from. So far it seems to answer questions in a way that makes sense to me, and far more so that my normal once a year C of E does. It’s been almost two years since I decided to find out more . but before I commit I want to investigate fully. As luck would have it there is a course starting nearby on the 7th February .. so I have signed up for it, and I’m still looking into Ayuverdic diets .. so watch this space!
In the meantime .. where did I put that Rosemary Conley book?